friendship with benefits His Secret Obsession is a new relationship guide by best-selling author James Bauer. It helps women be in a committed, passionate and long term relationship with the man they love.
The main idea of the book is that women need to tap into their man’s hero instinct.
What the hero instinct boils down to is that men want to live meaningful lives and be respected for their efforts. The hero instinct is amplified when it comes to relationships — men want to be a hero to the women they love and care about.
The key thing to understand about the hero instinct is this:
A man will be drawn to any woman who makes him feel like her everyday hero and will be reluctant to commit when he doesn’t feel like one.
His Secret Obsession gives you the words, phrases, and text messages to trigger the hero instinct in your man.
After reading this book, I’ve started writing extensively about the hero instinct on my own website, Hack Spirit. I’m a massive fan of concept because it speaks the truth about what really drives men when it comes to relationships.
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Why you can trust this review
I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit.
I understand how hard it is to find credible reviews online. It’s important to know what you’re reading is genuine, especially if it’s something you’re considering paying for.
That’s why I only recommend or give my opinion on products that I’ve personally tried and tested.
I was interested in checking out His Secret Obsession because I give relationship advice for a living. I’m always searching for useful products or guides to recommend to my readers.
By the end of the review, you’ll know exactly what to expect from His Secret Obsession, and whether it can be useful for your relationship.
Who is His Secret Obsession for?
The short answer is:
Any woman who wants to understand her man and win over his heart.
But this is a very broad spectrum, so let’s look at who exactly will make good use of this eBook:
- Women who want to gain the interest of a man they like
- Women who want to take a friendship to the next level
- Women who want to move from dating their man to being in a committed relationship
- Women whose partner seems uninterested or distant emotionally
- Women who don’t want to accept just a mediocre relationship, but who want the best
- Women who want their man’s attention, love, and respect.
But most of all, it’s for women who are willing to give it a go.
This isn’t the type of relationship book where your problems will be solved overnight.
You have to be willing to make an effort and follow through on the different signals and phrases. And sometimes this involves waiting for the right moment or adapting phrases to suit your man and situation.
Check out the official His Secret Obsession website here.
What’s inside the book
His Secret Obsession is broken down into 3 main parts:
- Part one focuses on how the hero instinct works
- Part two reveals the practical things you can do to trigger his hero instinct
- A bonus towards the end of the book are text message formulas that you can start sending your man straight away.
Included in the book are 17 modules that really break down the psychology of the hero instinct and then give specific tips and strategies for triggering it in your man.
James Bauer reveals the words you can use, phrases you can say, and little requests you can make to trigger this natural male instinct.
The book itself clocks in at 217 pages.
The signals and their uses
Throughout the book, you’ll come across different signals which differ according to their purpose. For example, while one signal is about getting your man to open up to you, another may be centered around gaining his unwavering interest and attention.
Here’s a quick breakdown of the main signals:
1. The “I owe you” signal
One of the reasons the hero instinct is so effective on guys is that it targets their desire to feel needed.
This signal and the phrases included are ideal whether you’re at the start of a relationship or years in. It’s the ultimate way to make a man feel wanted and important in the relationship.
And it’s as simple as asking for help — James Bauer makes this easy to do by laying out template phrases to put to use for each of the signals.
2. The “private island” signal
This signal is all about how your man sees you. If you want him to consider you the woman of his life, who he’ll spend the rest of his days with, the “private island” phrases will do just the trick.
This is best used if you’re dating or in a relationship with a man who seems unsure about you.
Whether he’s a commitment-phobe or he’s undecided as to whether you’re “the one” for him, it’ll make him see you in a whole different light.
3. The “X-ray question”
To use the hero instinct effectively, you’ve first got to find out your man’s dreams and desires. What he wants for his life, and what he truly seeks in a partner.
But, many men close up at the thought of a deep, intimate conversation that might leave them feeling vulnerable. With the X-ray questions, he’ll open up in no time and you’ll get to the heart of who he is and what he wants.
4. The “ex-back” signal
As implied by the name, this signal is all about getting your ex back.
In fact, it’s as simple as using a 12-word text, cleverly designed to hook his attention and keep it going. This is useful whether you’ve just broken up or you’ve been pining for him for a while now, but probably less efficient if you broke up years ago.
It’s also useful if you’re “on a break” and you want to reconcile with your partner.
5. The “glimpse” phrase
Part of winning over a man’s heart well and truly lies in showing him who you are, deep down and unapologetically.
The “glimpse” phrase is designed to help him see what a future with you would look like. By seeing the real you, he can start to envisage what life together will be like, sparking his interest and commitment even more.
6. The “damsel in distress” signal
Deep down, men want to protect and provide for those they love. They also want to feel admired and respected by the woman they love.
That’s why the “damsel in distress” signal is an important factor in the hero instinct. It’s not about playing the victim or acting incapable to inflate his ego.
It’s about giving him a purpose and role in your life. This signal is essential for anyone who wants their man to feel valued.
As soon as it’s triggered, he’ll do everything he can to step up to the plate and be the partner you need and deserve.
7. The secret “currency” of happy relationships
This signal is all about injecting “emotional currency” into your relationship.
Instead of waiting for happiness to come when he’s finally got that new job, or when you’ve finished renovating the house, you can create a happy relationship no matter what’s happening externally.
At the heart of it, this signal is about showing genuine appreciation to your man. In doing so, you’ll trigger his inner-hero and his desire to contribute to the relationship even more.
8. The “silent action” signals
These are signals that, as the name implies, need no words. Just by using your body language and interaction, you can send powerful messages.
This is perfect if there’s someone you’ve got your eye on and want to catch their attention, or if you want to let them know you’re interested in them.
9. The “fascination” signal
If you want him fascinated with you when you’re together and apart, this signal will plant you in his mind for good.
This is ideal for new relationships, taking a friendship to the next level, and for relationships that have lost their spark.
The signal uses psychology to make your man emotionally attached to you, which results in him always considering you and thinking more as “we” rather than “I”.
James Bauer gives you certain phrases that can be used for each signal, and it’s up to you to adapt them to suit your relationship.
The signals are subtle and easy enough to work into conversation without making it obvious to your man that you’re using the hero instinct on him.
And while you may benefit from some and not others, it will very much depend on what you hope to change/improve in your relationship.
In that sense, it’s helpful that there are a number of signals to choose from.